<body> MALIAARGH! <body>
Maliaargh!




MALIA:I make grape juice out of lemons & I'm in ♥ MALIA:Saya cakap melayu.
MALIA:Saya tidak gila tau.





sayasukadirisaya

iqmalia@hotmail.com

Saya ada fanclub, join ye?

MY TUMBLR .



more about me

Told you i'm in love but i wanna tell you this again, i'm in love. And i love ME. I also love to randomly jumble up words and put them all together. And you'll get things like ticktockclock, kingofphiranhasbirdflocks, saccharinslumber, popcorndog, lollinggirrafe, pepperedparrot and more. Finally, i also do my part in saving the earth because i save water for i shower with my boyfriend. HEE :D

And for those who are here with means to make my blog as a huge deal of mockery, please kindly leave :)

i dont need people like you to read on more, so go POOF! okay, bye!

wishing well

1. a zebra for a pet
2. a pair of shiny wings
3. a 15 carat ring

Bite Me!




MusicPlaylist
Music Playlist at MixPod.com

Click it!

Aishaa Kid .
Amira .
Anthony .
Azim .
Cecima .
Hafiz Salleh .
Haeqal .
Haqimah .
Iqah .
Izzat .
Jumari .
Maine .
Mima .
Natiara .
Nura .
Nuruddin .
Prss Ncc Girls .
Raudah .
Saliha .
Syam .
Taufiq .
Weisheng .
Xiaowei .
Yra .
Yuzil .
Zakk .
Zulhilmi .


dailies

on Saturday, 07 November 2009

Eating: nothing
Drinking: nothing
Watching: nothing
Listening: nothing
Surfing: nothing
Reading: nothing

bittersweet past

May 2006. June 2006. July 2006. August 2006. September 2006. October 2006. November 2006. December 2006. January 2007. February 2007. March 2007. April 2007. May 2007. June 2007. July 2007. August 2007. September 2007. October 2007. November 2007. December 2007. January 2008. February 2008. March 2008. April 2008. May 2008. June 2008. July 2008. August 2008. September 2008. October 2008. November 2008. December 2008. January 2009. February 2009. March 2009. April 2009. May 2009. June 2009. July 2009. August 2009. September 2009. October 2009. November 2009. December 2009. January 2010. February 2010. March 2010. April 2010. May 2010. June 2010. July 2010. August 2010. September 2010. December 2010. January 2011. February 2011. June 2011. July 2011. September 2011.

credits

Layout: chique-lilie
Brushes: audiotrash
Image: gravity-of- love@DA
Inspiration: murexa.org
Web Icons: like-honey.com . enigmatic.nu .
hit counter



Tuesday, July 28, 2009
Laughter's the best medicine
Anecdotes and Badinage♥
in need of more laughter.

---------------------------------------------------------------------

However, i'm tired though.
need a break.


11:24 PM ohhhhhh maliaargh! ♥
0 comments
Approaches
I am infamous to be the rudest back at home. Always getting reprimanded for that. Okay, crap, no link no link! SCRAP.

But you tell me..Which one, out of these two approach, you should use to approach someone who just got hell off their shoulder.

#1
Eh asal kau macam gini ah? Asal kau kau diam je?!

#2
You approach the person the next day...
Hey, i see u sad je...a penny for your thoughts? Why so sad? Kau okay tak?

I would prefer the second, irritating, yes, but it shows you're concern. It puts a smile across a face. Or, my face at least. It's good to know someone cares. EVENTHOUGH it irritates you off your life given the kind of question. But i don't mind.

Phrase #1 - a total no no. That's just not the way to show you're concern. I honestly think it's rude. Wrong tone uh. I dont like...

Sometimes, by keeping quiet, it doesn't mean that i think u never did care.
By keeping quiet means you give me time and space to get a breather.

Approach me the next day if u really care.

And quit making ASSUMPTIONS please and never ever put words into my mouth.
Because i'm PENAT..................................................................

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

For now, i'm cramping my head. Supp wants an extra reflection. What is this? Haha.
Squeezing out my brain juice and last month's paycheck isn't in. What is this? Huh? Huh? Huh? BLARGGHH!

Help.


12:47 PM ohhhhhh maliaargh! ♥
0 comments
Monday, July 27, 2009
Rela Setia
Kerana ku terlalu ingin kan,
untukmu riang berkekalan.


4:21 PM ohhhhhh maliaargh! ♥
0 comments
Little imperfections that make them perfect for you
Yasmin Ahmad
1958-2009

I heard it only today.
Our region's renowned film and advertising director passed away last saturday.

I have yet to watch all her films.
I told myself i gotta to.
And i heard she collapse while handing in her proposal for her next film.

Her passing is definitely a great tragic loss to all of us.

Rest in peace, Yasmin.
May Allah bless you.

In the end it's these small things that you remember the little imperfections that make them perfect for you.

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10:04 AM ohhhhhh maliaargh! ♥
0 comments
A WEEK MORE
I should be busy working on SIP report right now but i just can't help counting down to the days till SIP's over. Darn it. Can't wait. Can't wait. Can't wait. And yes, i miss you. Really do.


12:17 AM ohhhhhh maliaargh! ♥
0 comments
Sunday, July 26, 2009
Here Without You
You always smile, but in your eyes, your sorrow shows.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I want to be the first you talk to when you feel down.
I don't want up end up in your rear view.
I want to be someone you can always turn to.
.
.
.
.
.
.


Ps: I miss you.


11:55 PM ohhhhhh maliaargh! ♥
0 comments
Friday, July 24, 2009
A Lost
I don't know who you are, i've never met you, but you have definitely made an impact on the lives of your dear ones. Your presence will be greatly missed and your absence always be aware of. May Allah make you one of the many dwellers of Jannah. Insya'allah.

O Lord,
Only you can grant my supplication.
Pardon her sins, overlook her mistakes, grant her entry to jannah.
Amin.

Truly we belong to Allah and truly to Him shall we return.


5:09 PM ohhhhhh maliaargh! ♥
0 comments
Thursday, July 23, 2009
You wear me down
It's totally fine if you want to narrow down your love to others. I'm totally fine, but why must you make it known to others. People see me differently now because of you. People have this thought that i'm the troublemaker. That ive never brought peace and joy into your world. I dont get it why you prefer to make me the subject of your reprimendation. Every now and then. No matter what i do, it seems wrong to you. No matter what i do, it irks you. NO MATTER WHAT. I don't know what to do. And i don't want to even try anymore. No more. Please. No more. Maybe i didn't try hard enough. Or maybe i tried too hard. Maybe it's just you...you just have issues with me. And i've been this patient all these while. I dont get it why i apologize either even when im not in the wrong. I dont get it why you have never spared a thought for my feelings. Never. Really. Never. And i don't get it why i give in most of the time. I don't know why i can't handle you like the rest do. I dont know why you're hard on me. If love is all about food, money and education, then that's where you are wrong. You're wrong. My needs. What happen to my needs? Spiritual needs. My feelings has always been battered. You've been wrong. And i'm not right either.

I hate whatever i'm feeling right now. I dont know what else i should do. You dont even care when i'm upset. You treat me very differently. And at the end of the day, ur assumptions will reduce me to nothing but tears of anger. And i know i shouldn't compare. And i realize that what i do, isnt solely the reason to why i disappoint you.

Just so you know, I don't wish to hurt your feelings too. Never. And i wish you could stop whatever you are doing. Wish. But i know it won't come true. And im holding on. The thing is, till when?

You wear me down.
Really.
You really wear me down.


11:37 AM ohhhhhh maliaargh! ♥
0 comments
Wednesday, July 22, 2009
New Crib
Bedroom light's gonna be a standing light. And my wardrobe's ash in colour.
I wonder how my bed looks like. Plus i hope our new crib will look dope eventhough we have a tight budget to bear in mind. And i have a feeling the kitchen's gonna look better than dope. The park infront of our crib will definitely be a contibuting factor to my happiness. I'm down, feel blue, i have the park. I have every corner to hide. So, seek and find. MUAHAHAHAHA! And to ahem, i pray ur food poisoning will subside soon. Have a speedy recovery. Hang on. And needless to say, work is still a bore. Someone, be my hero and take me awaaaayyyyyyy. Thanks. And ouh, pleaaaaaaaseeeeeeeeee. Magic words. Magic words. Tapi mal, siapa mahu layan?!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


10:26 AM ohhhhhh maliaargh! ♥
0 comments
Tuesday, July 21, 2009
Blearghs
BLEARGHS.


3:21 PM ohhhhhh maliaargh! ♥
0 comments
Battalions on ALERT
Battalions on alert!
So pack it up and go
Oh what a way to start a day ahead!(LEFT RIGHT!)
Here we go…(hey!)
Here we go…
Late at night while we’re sleeping
Airborne rangers come on creeping all around
Around…around……………..(hey!)
Here we go...(hey!)

I miss NCC.
I miss all the fun.
I miss every part to it.

But i hate running now.
Opps.

AND THE SONG! Yes, the sooonnnng.
i know Najib loves this song.
And then he'll sing it out loud whenever he sees me.
Shima will join next.
Followed by Basirah.
And Amira will laugh her arse off.

And i still need my ang mouy bf.
GAHS.

Where could he be.........


3:14 PM ohhhhhh maliaargh! ♥
0 comments
HALLO
I need my ang mouy bf now :(
Pls.


3:07 PM ohhhhhh maliaargh! ♥
0 comments
Breathe
I held my breath and count to ten.


10:30 AM ohhhhhh maliaargh! ♥
0 comments
Sunday, July 19, 2009
Mauled
Feel so pooped.
Physically tired.
Not to mention, mentally too.
Especially when there are so many things scheduled to do.
But manage to ease some mental pressure today.

And yes, i go to school to do major project.
Not fool around any old how.
Heh.

I just don't get it why it's so difficult for people to trust me.
And what irks me the most is that people choose to trust someone else whom their trust has been betrayed by the latter.

Forget it.
I'm just born not to be trusted.
My face states so perhaps.
Printed all over i reckon.

and now i have counsellors to show me the ropes :D
and heard someone totally gave up hope on me.
Trying not to be disappointed upon hearing what i was told.
Totally not.

And yes, i'm okay.
Dont ask me what's happening coz i wont talk about it.

One thing for sure.
I am.
Just bruised.
Heart's bruised.


11:52 PM ohhhhhh maliaargh! ♥
0 comments
Without freckles
A girl without freckles is like a night without stars.


11:35 PM ohhhhhh maliaargh! ♥
0 comments
Saturday, July 18, 2009
Be Strong
O hearer to my words of praise,
give a favorable reply to my supplication.

Give her extra strength and ease her pain, show consideration to her for you are the Most Merciful in disposition of love, kindness and mercy. Take care of the hearts of the people who really love her. Be there with them, for my Lord, they need you. We need you.

Amin.


12:47 AM ohhhhhh maliaargh! ♥
0 comments
Forgive me
To those i've disappoint, yet again.
Condone my mistakes.
Didn't mean to.
And yes, i love you guys.
I really do.


12:13 AM ohhhhhh maliaargh! ♥
0 comments
Friday, July 17, 2009
All Time Low
Police tape, chalk line
Tequila shots.

I'm damned if i do ya.
Damned if i don't.


12:40 PM ohhhhhh maliaargh! ♥
0 comments
Under My Skin
Hello, changed th songs on my playlist. Okay, may be not change, but added new songs. And i'm not a great fan of didicazli but his song added in my playlist is damn nice. Go listen. And check out Demi's song plus her vid. I love her make up! And her song's so rocking! So addictive! Got it under my skin ;)


11:04 AM ohhhhhh maliaargh! ♥
0 comments
JAY SEAN



Must i provide the reasons to why i like him.
Jay sean's dope.
K, who's wit me?

oh im feeling grumpy.
dont irritate me.



10:47 AM ohhhhhh maliaargh! ♥
0 comments
FXFXFXFXFXFXFXFX
Fang Xiang uh, sorry hor. Ni hen shuai!
Dui bu qi.
HEE.


9:18 AM ohhhhhh maliaargh! ♥
0 comments
Thursday, July 16, 2009
So my present tak screwed
Make peace with your past so it won't screw up the present.

.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.




6:00 PM ohhhhhh maliaargh! ♥
0 comments
Wednesday, July 15, 2009
Speaking Love
Speak low, if you speak love


11:11 AM ohhhhhh maliaargh! ♥
0 comments
ZEN Mozaic
Hie.
Anyone out there?
Anyone kind enough to buy the above for me? :D
Teehee.
I swear i'll treat u nicely after u get me one.


9:51 AM ohhhhhh maliaargh! ♥
0 comments
Tuesday, July 14, 2009
A shot
Hi friends.

Warning: Long entry.

I've been amazed by how at times people can rant throughout their whole entire blog entry. And believe me, their entry isn't a paragraph or two but a whole load of them. And today, i shall make an attempt. An attempt to blog an entry, if made a book, it'll be labelled as a novel. Haha. Crap uh mal.

But i think it's fun to do this once in a while, no? And i wonder if anyone would ever read this. Well, if you ever did, here are claps for you, from me. And it's not as if i've not done this, i ever did, once in a blue moon when i was much much younger but soon, i realized that i myself, wouldn't read the whole entry. I'll just scan and out of the whole entry, i'll just get the gist of it. And it'll kinda bore me unless im a god damn good writer. But hey! I'm getting the momentum. Not losing it, no, no, no. And here we go fellas...... It's fun to blog an entry like this, do it!

Oh btw, background music :BEP's Boom Boom Pow. Hell yeah it's addictive. Gotta groove, gotta groove.

"Boom boom boom
Boom boom boom"

Yesterday, after work, met up with a few of my friends. Hang out, ate dinner, and crapped our asses out. Was real fun, and then, there was this one time where we disturbed each other about our own ethnic and race but no harm intended ya'll. We were purely joking. And oh, i saw many many stray cats. Not goood2. But cats are cute creatures, so didnt bother much. I added that info just to make this entry longer. And eh shit, the song is so so so distrupting. But blogging like this is so so so so fun. Both as addictive. As a ergh, drug. Haha.

"I like that boom boom pow
Them chicken jackin' my style
They try copy my swagger
I'm on that next shit now"

And yes, i'm doing my work currently too. Multi tasking as you would have called it. Oh by the way, i was damn happy to be able to meet my friends yesterday. We talked about weight, what we have been up to like Rau was given 13 days off but she wouldnt wanna spend her last few weeks of internship away from work. And then, mira, who recently got her driving license, she is busy with lesson plans and is gonna be involve in a kid's camp. Elfie, well, he has nothing to talk about except for yes, he was broke. Fuck, elfie and broke was never meant to be placed together. This is bad. And about weight, basirah thought she put on weight. When i should be the one who should be obsessive-ly worrying about it.

"I'm a beast when you turn me on
Into the future cybertron
Harder, faster, better, stronger
Sexy ladies extra longer, cuz
We got the beat that bounce
We got the beat that pow"

And then they asked me when i'm gonna shift to tampines, like, ahem, i mean, what more can i brag, haha! Everyone misses me. AWW. K, f u malia. Ok, back on track, when i'm gonna shift they asked. I gave a small shrug and guessed that it'll be some time in mid august. I really hope i could shift as soon. And we were joking on how i can call on my friends (gang) when i need help of any matter (fights?) because i'm gonna stay in a location in which wherever i turn to, there'll be a friend or two staying in a particular block. And amira laughed a lot at the ugly joke. Because i was acting out that i would be the leader of the new found gang and that mira, ruadah and elfie would be attacking from the air if they were a part of my gang. But i'm glad she's happy. She's happy to be able to meet me. AWW. K, f me again. HAHA. Hi mira!

"People in the place
If you wanna get down
Put your hands in the air
Will.i.am drop the beat now"

And there were missing people ytd. Shima couldn't come, let alone khai, who was busy with his weekly rugby trainings and nisa, i guess she isn't free too. And izzat is busy somewhere in tekong. Miss them all and i really can't wait to get back to tamp.

"I'm so three thousand and eight
You so two thousand and late
I got that boom boom boom
That future boom boom boom
Let me get it nowwwwwwwwwwwww......."

"Boom boom boom
Boom boom boom"

K i give up.
The song's bugging me and it's on repeat and hell yeah, i shall put an end to this entry here, right now.

And my angmouy bf's asleeeeeeeeep la!
Pemalas nye anak dara!


9:35 AM ohhhhhh maliaargh! ♥
0 comments
Monday, July 13, 2009
Have fun!
To Izzat and Kamarul.
May the force be with you guys.
Have fun while NS-ing!


12:09 PM ohhhhhh maliaargh! ♥
0 comments
Keep pushing on
Eh boy, jia yous!


10:30 AM ohhhhhh maliaargh! ♥
0 comments
Have a wonderful day you guys

Morning little one.
Be Safe.
ilu<3


9:19 AM ohhhhhh maliaargh! ♥
0 comments
Saturday, July 11, 2009
Don't be angry
For every minute you are angry, you lose sixty seconds of happiness.


11:58 PM ohhhhhh maliaargh! ♥
0 comments
I needed warmth
Yesterday I saw the sun shining,
And the leaves were falling down softly,
My cold hands needed a warm,
And I was thinking about you.

I need you.
& I miss you.


1:52 AM ohhhhhh maliaargh! ♥
0 comments
Come fly with me

I said shush girl, shut your lips
Do the Helen Keller and talk with your hips




1:34 AM ohhhhhh maliaargh! ♥
0 comments
Thursday, July 09, 2009
GENDUT
My angmouy bf calls me gendut.

And reports are pilling up.
-SIP report
-Major Project report

What the crap.

And f my nightmare still.

But am i a 91kg person?
It's been donkey yrs since i last check my weight.

Damn. No good. No good.

I love demi's hair in her vid, here we go again and get back!
Love the curls!

And major project-ing tmr again in TP.
Plus, cover session with zul and khai just now was dope.
But chilling out with angmouy bf ytd was doper <33333

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11:06 PM ohhhhhh maliaargh! ♥
0 comments
91 Kilograms and I miss you
Hello <3
Saya rindu awak.

And i had a freaking nightmare ytd.
I dreamt that my weight went up all the way.
Like up up up!
I dreamt i was 91kg heavy.

F weird dreams.

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5:31 PM ohhhhhh maliaargh! ♥
0 comments
Wednesday, July 08, 2009
And i know u miss me too

When my head is strong, but my heart is weak,
I'm full of arrogance and uncertainty
When I can't find the words, you teach my heart to speak,
You make it real for me

And I am running to you baby,
You are the only one who saves me
That's why I've been missing you lately,
'Cause you make it real for me

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11:31 AM ohhhhhh maliaargh! ♥
0 comments
Monday, July 06, 2009
Sorethroat
Saya sakit tekak.
Curses la.
And for me, sorethroat's like the fire starter to fever.
F.

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5:09 PM ohhhhhh maliaargh! ♥
0 comments
Change blgskin soon!
Saya percaya saya akan change blogskin saya dan add twitter account saya yang sudah hampir tidak hidup (mati.).


12:21 PM ohhhhhh maliaargh! ♥
0 comments
AKU LAPAR
Hello everyone :)

I miss texting ahem.
I bet ahem misses texting me too.

Im having a sorethroat, everyone. Horrible feeling. HORRRRRRRRRRRRRRIIIIIBLE. bad bad bad. It's robbing me of my appetite too. But im hungry :-<

H-U-N-G-R-Y.

I feel like having 20 nuggets today. But no good for throat and tummy. And i dont like the idea of eating only fruit when im hungry. Someone, suggest me an healthy diet pls. Working in the office makes me add pounds. I dont like.

And i havent got the time to run my fat away.
It's either im lazy or to freeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee to do anything.
AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

K crap.

And so, shima, raudah, basirah, amira and anisah. Are we going picnic or crocodile farm? We'll do a vote and do please state the date u're free. Please do get back to me. TANK KAYU!

And i think i need to attend camps. I miss shouting and cheering my arse off. So, camps anyone? :D HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE. Like as if i can attend any for now. GAHS.

And just for the record, im in love.

A second, a minute, and hour, a day goes by.
I´m hopin' just to be by your side.
I´m turnin' the handle it won’t open.
Don’t make me wait, cause right now I need your smile.

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12:03 PM ohhhhhh maliaargh! ♥
0 comments
Aqil The Bad Spideeey

Spideeeeey.

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11:24 AM ohhhhhh maliaargh! ♥
0 comments
Saturday, July 04, 2009
Mc-Cafe
Mc Cafe-ing while doing my report at the very same time.
Attention span, 1 hour and that was it.
And someone's mugging real hard beside me.
Ang mouy bf very studious. Very good ang mouy bf.
Hopes his effort pays off. God's will.

And 4 more weeks till the adjourment of SIP.
Can't wait! for i think i already had enough of work.
Like really ENOUGH of work.
Eventhough i think im not ready for school either.
Major project is scaring me already.
HAH.
Life's freaking unfair.

And who the eff am i to complain.

And i still want an i pod.
Plus i want a lappy of my own.
I miss editing pictures and skinning!

And to ahem,

I'm sorry about what i've mentioned ytd.
Slipped of tongue and there's so many emotions seized me
ytd.
I hate ytd's convo.
A lot.
But thanks for forgiving me.
Thanks for being there.
Thanks :)

ilu.

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6:29 PM ohhhhhh maliaargh! ♥
0 comments
Friday, July 03, 2009
Random
Hi friends.

Tadi shima call untuk kacau saya.
Raudah text ckp, kalau lah saya masih tinggal di tamp..............
Basirah pula, text ajak lepak di MTT.
Farhan anak samad call ajak pergi zouk...eh, bukan untuk berpesta tetapi untuk membantu mengendalikan event lari2.
Fang Xiang pula disturb saya di msn.
Elfie menggila, dia bertanya mengapa dia harus belajar tentang pokok.
Izzat pula jual mahal, people ajak pergi airport, dia ckp dia busy next weeeeeek.
Ang mouy bf saya pula busy sangat2 di sekolah.
Sekarang dia on the way pulang dari training dikir barat, bukan dikir utara ataupun selatan.

Saya rindu friends saya.
Dan tangan saya lenguh kerana saya membuat physical work tadi.
Angkat kotak2 berat sangat2.
Di kerja.

Now, im tired, sleepy and i feel so bloated.
Dont know why.
I ate a lot today.
I think.
I ate mee soto for lunch.
And nasi ayam $2 for dinner.

Oh, i was super busy at work.
I never knew fridays coud be as busy and i love my curent work cubicle la pls!
I dont want to shift!!!!!!!!!!!!

And my hand hurts like _________.
Dan saya dah broke.
I dont know where my money went to!

I plan to buy a dress or a blouse.
An i-pod.
Earpiece.
And a pair of loafers.

Went to TP just now for MP meeting.
Another kick ass session.
Productive and many funny moments as usual.

And...........................
I seeeeeeeeeee kids everywhere.
I dont see the point of using school premises to MUG but in a grp that consist lotsa girls and boys, laughing their arses off every now and then.
I bet they were TRYING very very hard to mug uhhhh.
Note the sarcasm.

And my hand still hurts.

Now, im waiting for an email to be sent so i can edit the report.

And sometimes, love comes around.
It knocks you down.
Just get back up, when it knocks you down.

Ahhh damn, the song's like a drug now.

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11:18 PM ohhhhhh maliaargh! ♥
0 comments
Im with you and so,
Don't be with someone because you can, be with them because you can't be
without them.

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11:45 AM ohhhhhh maliaargh! ♥
0 comments
Thursday, July 02, 2009
James Frey AMLP
The door opens and a Nurse walks into the Room. She wears white, all white, and she is carrying a clipboard. She sits in the chair by the desk.
Hi, James.
Hi.
I need to ask you some questions.
All right.
I also need to check your blood pressure and your pulse.
All right.
What type of substances do you normally use?
Alcohol.
Every day?
Yes.
What time do you start drinking?
When I wake up.
She marks it down.
How much per day?
As much as I can.
How much is that?
Enough to make myself look like I do.
She looks at me. She marks it down.
Do use anything else?
Cocaine.
How often?
Every day.
She marks it down.
How much?
As much as I can.
She marks it down.
In what form?
Lately crack, but over the years, in every form that it exists.
She marks it down.
Anything else?
Pills, acid, mushrooms, meth, PCP and glue.
Marks it down.
How often?
When I have it.
How often?
A few times a week.
Marks it down.
She moves forward and draws out a stethoscope.
How are you feeling?
Terrible.
In what way?
In every way.
She reaches for my shirt.
Do you mind?
No.
She lifts my shirt and she puts the stethoscope to my chest. She listens.
Breathe deeply.
She listens.
Good. Do it again.
She lowers my shirt and she pulls away and she marks it down.
Thank you.
I smile.
Are you cold?
Yes.
She has a blood pressure gauge.
Do you feel nauseous?
Yes.
She straps it on my arm and it hurts.
When was the last time you used?
She pumps it up.
A little while ago.
What and how much?
I drank a bottle of vodka.
How does that compare to your normal daily dosage?
It doesn't.
She watches the gauge and the dials move and she marks it down and she removes the gauge.
I'm gonna leave for a little while, but I'll be back.
I stare at the wall.
We need to monitor you carefully and we will probably need to give you some detoxification drugs.
I see a shadow and I think it moves but I'm not sure.
You're fine right now, but I think you'll start to feel some things.
I see another one. I hate it.
If you need me, just call.
I hate it.
She stands up and she smiles and she puts the chair back and she leaves.
I take off my shoes and I lie under the blankets and I close my eyes and
I fall asleep.
I wake and I start to shiver and I curl up and I clench my fists. Sweat runs down my chest, my arms, the backs of my legs. It stings my face.
I sit up and I hear someone moan. I see a bug in the corner, but I know it's not there. The walls close in and expand they close in and expand and I can hear them. I cover my ears but it's not enough.
I stand. I look around me. I don't know anything. Where I am, why, what happened, how to escape. My name, my life.
I curl up on the floor and I am crushed by images and sounds. Things I have never seen or heard or ever knew existed. They come from the ceiling, the door, the window, the desk, the chair, the bed, the closet. They're coming from the fucking closet. Dark shadows and bright lights and flashes of blue and yellow and red as deep as the red of my blood. They move toward me and they scream at me and I don't know what they are but I know they're helping the bugs. They're screaming at me.
I start shaking. Shaking shaking shaking. My entire body is shaking and my heart is racing and I can see it pounding through my chest and I'm sweating and it stings. The bugs crawl onto my skin and they start biting me and I try to kill them. I claw at my skin, tear at my hair, start biting myself. I don't have any teeth and I'm biting myself and there are shadows and bright lights and flashes and screams and bugs bugs bugs. I am lost. I am completely fucking lost.
I scream.
I piss on myself.
I shit my pants.
The Nurse returns and she calls for help and Men in White come in and they put me on the bed and they hold me there. I try to kill the bugs but I can't move so they live. In me. On me. I feel the stethoscope and the gauge and they stick a needle in my arm and they hold me down.
I am blinded by blackness.
I am gone.

James Frey, A Million Little Pieces.


11:19 AM ohhhhhh maliaargh! ♥
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